Free Candle Spells | Reprint – “How to Write the Blues” Tutorial

September 25, 2011 | By admin In Rants and Raves | Comments(0)

Going over some of my oldest posts this morning and came across this. Cannot believe that it has been almost 4 years since I began the Free Candle Spells blog website. This is guaranteed to bring laughter to your heart. You know it is true, you cannot sing about the ‘blues’ if you haven’t lived through trials and tribulations. Enjoy! – Jacqueline

Courtesy of John in Baton Rouge. Thanks John!

1. Most Blues begin, “Woke up this morning…”

2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, ‘less you stick something nasty in the next line like, “I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town.”

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes…sort of: “Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound.”

4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch – ain’t no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don’t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an’ state-sponsored motor pools ain’t even in the runnin’. Walkin’ plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.

6. Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. They ain’t fixin’ to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, “adulthood” means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don’t get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain’t the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg ’cause a alligator be chompin’ on it is.

9. You can’t have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass

Bad places:
a. Dillard’s
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses

11. No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, ‘less you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you sleep in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:
a. you older than dirt
b. you blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can’t be satisfied

No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund

13. Blues is not a matter of color. It’s a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

14. If you ask for water and your darlin’ give you gasoline, it’s the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. nasty black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast

15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can’t have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

16. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling

17. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie

18. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can’t sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, Jake leg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not “Kiwi.”)

20. I don’t care how tragic your life is: if you own a computer, you can not sing the blues.

In addition, you cannot write the blues without having a custom made mojo bag with an alligator foot and a John the Conkeroo in it! – Jacqueline

Filed under: Rants and Raves

Free Candle Spells | Traditional Hoodoo at Miller’s Rexall Drug

January 2, 2011 | By admin In Rants and Raves | Comments(0)

Filed under: Rants and Raves

Free Candle Spells | Why Your Love Candle Spell Isn’t Working Pt. 3

November 30, 2010 | By admin In Love Candle Spells,Rants and Raves | Comments(1)

This is the third in a three part series in investigating why your love candle spell isn’t working.

To read part one, click the blue words here, “Free Candle Spells | Why Your Love Candle Spell Isn’t Working Pt. 1″.

To read the second part of this series, click here to read, “Free Candle Spells | Why Your Love Candle Spell Isn’t Working Pt. 2″.

So we have covered some reasons that your candle spell wasn’t working with problems that may have existed before you even considered putting flame to a wick. The second part delved into cheap changing of products and the possibility of being a victim of a rip-off artist. Part three rounds up some more things to consider even after you have eliminated the problems brought up in Parts 1 and 2.

This last section focuses on you and your actions in regards to the candle spell. What you do and say will help determine the outcome of the candle spell, and that is why many will tell you to plan, prepare, revise, research and revisit the petition papers, herbs, oils and candles you use.

7. ) Giving vague or accurate information for the reader/spellworker to properly prepare a candle spell. Oh this is a doozy. In the near past, I had someone who contacted me about a candle spell they were considering. Theirs was a ‘Double Big Mac with extra Cheese” – type of issue. I strongly suggest a reading – not only to determine if the work was validated but if I was the ‘One’ who should be performing this spell (something I do ask in my readings with a client). I also ask if the outcomes will be successful because I do not want to have a client “throw good money to the bad” if the outcome will not be what they wanted. Remember – we are petitioning the Higher Power for our best outcome – and if the Almighty does not want the petition to come to its’ fruition, it won’t, plain and simple. So I do the reading for the person, and in it I find multi layers of items that are loosely related, but in the end, not best for the client. The client reveals to me some candle spells that they are doing, substituting one thing for the other (like candles), and it turns out a big mess. I suggest to the client to bite it off like a Big Mac, because you cannot eat one in one bite. I tell them to first determine what is most important to work on, then systematically do candle work for each item. Comes to find out, there is even MORE issues, and the slip up was their e-mails asking for yet more information and it all had to be done be the end of the month!

Readers, be honest with your rootworker/spiritualworker. We cannot do the best for you if you are withholding pertenient information and we use the ‘wrong’ oil, candle or herb. It sets up a situation that you will not be happy with the results and then you’ll bad mouth your worker all over town. We all need to Trust.

8. ) You are fixated or obsessed over the candle spell as it works or the outcome. – One of the most saddest things is when someone has contacted me, waited on considering a candle spell, and then when faced with either a worst situation or they come up against time limits, they are bombarding me with calls and e-mails. Doing research is fine and I encourage it, both for the one doing the spell or reading for you, but also the products suggested to be used. However, when push comes to shove, it is not suggested that you become the ‘elevnth hour’ participant, and then expect hour-by-hour updates on the candle spell. I strongly suggest that if you cannot trust your candle spell caster, either do the spell yourself or do not do anything. Obsessing and worrying about the outcome not only makes you crazy but consumes vast amount of energy that you may need for regular daily use. Light the candle with CONFIDENCE and walk away.

9. ) You tell others about your candle spell work – There was a saying in World War II – “Loose lips sink ships”. When you reveal your candle spell work to others, you set yourself up for speculation and envy, spite and fear – all coming from the listener. Keep your business to yourself. “Nuff said!

10.) You are a “Stalker” or you are harassing the intended in the candle work - Nothing screams “bad outcome” more than a client who either won’t stop or let go – usually because of wanting revenge or destruction of the intended because of hurt, anger or spite. How I personally could have done negative spell work on my ex but I didn’t, because they were their own ‘worst enemy’. My Godmother actually suggested that I BLESS them (scratches head). If I BLESS them, then for sure they will have a good, comfortable life, let down their guard, and eventually I would get my back pay. HEYYY! Guess what? That is happening right now.

If you believe that you cannot live without them or you want them to “go down in flames”, guess what – you’re going down, too. Move on and step up to something/someone better and thank your lucky stars that you are out of the sitation. If they don’t want you as a mate, then sing with me this Motown song, “There’s too many fish in the sea, too many fish in the sea.”